[Guest Post] Conspiracy Theories on the Legalization of Marijuana

A humorous look at the pot wars.

From "WebPreneur" Sarah Scrafford comes this list of reasons not to legalize pot. As Scrafford writes, "this isn’t intended as a serious policy article (so no hate mail please!). Rather, its intended to be a chance for everyone to take a step back and laugh at some of the truly nuttiest conspiracy theories put forth from both sides of the aisle.... It is my hope that this regaining of perspective will allow people on both sides of the debate to recognize the extremes often taken and find a middle ground that in the end will serve all parties better."

The complete post can be found at Web Designs School Guide:

-- The legalization of Mary Jane will turn America’s youth into useless consumer hippies: Forget for a moment that the 2006 Monitoring the Future survey found that about two out of five seniors in high school have tried marijuana and still managed to get into Harvard and Rice. These suburbia dwellers want their three children protected from the other two.

--Legalization is just another way to quail the masses: Like the LSD and AIDS conspiracies of yesteryear, card carrying members of this covert plot think that legalizing Mary Jane would solely benefit the government. With everyone listening to reggae, there would be no time to exercise the first amendment.

--Legalization will help the terrorists win: If cannabis were made legal, the terror alert in America would rise to code ‘impending doom green’ according to these theorists. Islamic extremists have been pushing Mary Jane on otherwise responsible citizens in an effort to fund terrorist plots to take over free society. Keep in mind that these extremists have a diverse portfolio, and are also using oil, the media, and Google to supplement their incomes.

The legalization movement is an elaborate plot by pharmaceutical companies to get people addicted to drugs: The overall substance is classified by the government as a gateway drug, and may encourage people to use drugs to cure what ails them. Big companies like Pfizer and Merck & Co could benefit greatly from a society trained to use drugs to feel better.

Marijuana causes schizophrenia, and if legalized will render the masses mentally unstable: Hefty pdf documents coming from researchers in England and Australia have initially found that there might be a slight correlation between the use of marijuana and hearing voices. Experts cite that childhood use can be traced to as much as 14 per cent of psychotic episodes later in life, and suggests the legalization of marijuana would severely affect the health of generations to come. In the same articles though, stress is equally seen as a cause of schizophrenia. Commentators have largely written off these findings as anything from shoddy research to funding holes for lobbyist organizations.

Society as we know it will collapse, and anarchistic potheads will rule the world: The logic here is that once marijuana is legalized, it is only a matter of time before everything else becomes legal. Soon people will be knee deep in a plethora of mind-altering substances, and society will suffer. With everyone on an assumed perpetual high, things like traffic flow and social moirés will cease to have meaning. This classic slippery slope argument can be applied to anything, all with the eventual downfall of human society. Picture the ending scene from Planet of the Apes.

Photo Credit: blameitonthevoices.blogspot.com